“You are saying I do things wrong all the time”, my boy
screamed as I was explaining the consequence of hitting his brother. “You are saying I am bad!” This was a reoccurring theme in his almost 10
years of life. Being abused by a
domestically violent father has taken a toll on this beautiful heart. Somehow, at a way to early age, this boy of
mine decided that the abuse was his fault. He was the cause. He was bad.
The glass half empty.
The grass is always
greener.
The fear to try new
things.
Unable to give thanks.
These are the still fresh scars of a father who lashed out
because of many old scars branded on his own heart.
How do I get to this tender but confused heart? How do I tell him about a Jesus who heals
scars? How to reach a mind already
entrenched with lies?
I am utterly unable.
So I speak the words I have always known he believes. I speak them out loud. I speak them straight to his heart.
“I think you believe you are bad because your parents hurt
you when you were small and somehow you blamed yourself. You thought it was your fault. Is this what you think?”
A nod of the head.
I began to speak from my deepest inner being. Hoping.
Praying that he could hear. Hear
the words of truth. Hear the words your
Heavenly father speaks to you. You are special.
God will redeem. God has a
plan. God sings over you. You are
good.
You are good.
You are good!!!
Did he hear me?
I felt like something “clicked” in his eyes. The glimpse of knowing.
I spoke out loud what he has known all along but couldn’t
speak for himself. We connected. I understood.
I heard his heart. He is not
alone.
My mission is to speak words of life into this boy. He is precious. He is kind. He thinks of others. He is smart. He is worthy to be loved.
I cannot speak life while I am running around to different
activities or busy on the phone. I
cannot speak love if I am irritated or tired or fearful. Speaking takes
time. It interrupts the schedule. Dinner
might have to wait. Appointments may
have to be cancelled.
My own fears cannot trump truth. My mind is saying “it’s no use, you will not
be victorious. You will fail. You cannot undo the damage. You cannot love. Your words are not life, but platitudes of
the flesh."
My heart cries out to a Living God! “Where does my help come from? My help comes
from the Lord. The Maker of heaven and Earth.”
Can I receive what I need to speak life? Can I live
fearlessly? Can I live truth? Can I live
love?
Oh Father, help me. I
want to be filled with you. I want you to pour out spilling over my children. In
my children. Cleansing the marks of shame.
I am unable.
But I am enough because He is enough.
I am able because He is able.
Keep speaking. Take time. Heal wounds.
Watch the miracle!
